Three Kinds Of Church Fights

Earlier today I found myself engaged in a discussion about church fights. I haven't been involved in any recently, thank goodness, although the potential is always there when you're the minister. Actually over the last couple of years I've been doing a lot of reflection about church fights - both those I've been involved with and those I've just watched from the sidelines - because dealing with church conflict (specifically from a preaching perspective) is the subject of my D.Min. thesis. In the chat I was having earlier today I was concerned that a colleague was being dragged into a church fight that couldn't be won and that wasn't especially necessary. That made me think about the theory I've developed over the years that there are essentially three kinds of church fights, and I thought I'd share them.

(1) The Fights That Have To Be Won

The first kind of church fight is the fight that has to be won. It's over an issue that is so central and so fundamental to my identity that if I don't get my way I have to move on. If that sounds immature - like someone throwing a temper tantrum - it's not. It's actually quite mature and thoughtful. You see, very, very few fights would fit into this category if we take it seriously. The fight has to be about an essential point. For example, if I were serving in a denomination or a congregation that decided that it no longer believed in the resurrection of Jesus and made it a rule that I was not to proclaim the resurrection of Jesus as a historical reality, I'd have to leave. That's one example. The examples would be different for others, but the point is that the church you're a part of is insisting that you buy into something that you simply cannot buy into - and it's something that really, really matters. It's win or else - and, in some circumstances, that's perfectly valid.

(2) The Fights That Have To Be Fought

The second kind of church fight is the fight that has to be fought. It's over an issue that's important; important enough that as the minister I need to have my position expressed and on the record so that everyone knows where I stand. I may win the fight or I may lose the fight, but it isn't a make or break issue. I can remain even if I don't get my way, but I have to remain as a dissenter; as one who represents what might be called "the loyal opposition." An example might be over a mission project. I might feel strongly that a particular mission project either should or shouldn't go ahead for any number of reasons. I'm not going to leave the church over it, but my reason for either supporting it or not supporting it is important enough to me and represents something vital enough to me that I need to be public about it.

(3) The Fights That Shouldn't Be Fought

The third kind of church fight is the fight that shouldn't be fought. In my experience, the vast majority of church fights fall into this category. They're over no particularly vital issues. They're caused in many cases by personality conflicts. Sometimes they're over things that have nothing to do with the primary purpose of the church. They're secondary issues at best and they're not worth investing time or energy in. These are the fights to sit back and observe, in the hopes that by staying above the fray, I can somehow try to bring peace to the situation. An example might be what colour to paint the sanctuary or singing Christmas carols during Advent. They're things I might have an opinion on, but I don't need to express that opinion because, really, in the overall scheme of things, what difference does it make? Maybe as the minister I don't need to have my hand in every single thing that goes on, and maybe not everything has to be the way I like it. If I could learn not to fight the fights that shouldn't be fought, the truth is that there'd be precious little left to fight over.

My thoughts here are mostly directed to clergy, but the laity could learn from it too, because the fights that don't have to be fought could be avoided altogether if both clergy and laity could learn to direct their passion toward only those things that are really of central importance to the work and calling of the church.