This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. The one who keeps God’s commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.
(1 John 3:16-24)
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"Love" is a word that can have an ambiguous ring to it. What exactly do we mean when we say that we "love" someone? Just before their marriage, Prince Charles and Diana Spencer were being interviewed by the BBC. They seemed the archetype of a happy couple in "love". But in answer to one question, Charles gave an answer that should have given Diana reason to think about what the future held. He was asked the simple question, "how do you like being in love?" It would seem simple, wouldn't it? What's the answer? You would expect "It's marvellous," or, "it's better than anything I could have imagined." But that wasn't his answer. "How do you like being in love?" With a rather enigmatic smile, Charles replied simply, "what is love?" That was it; that was the answer. It wasn't a rhetorical question - Charles literally had no answer for it. Instead of words that would cause his soon to be bride to swoon, Charles suggested that he didn't really know what love was! The answer seems almost prophetic now, with the benefit of hindsight. Their marriage broke up, of course. And I wonder - if Christians were asked what the hallmark of our faith is, many would answer "love." But do we know what that word truly means? Our question might well be "what is Christian love?" And if we're not sure, then perhaps our faith is as shaky as that royal marriage proved to be.
The word "love" is one of those English words that can be either a noun or a verb. We can show "love" - a noun; or we can "love" someone – a verb. Perhaps to have even a basic understanding of Christian "love" we need to look at both aspects of "love," and when we do that I believe it becomes clear that for Christians "love" must be primarily seen as a verb.
Why would I suggest that "love" as a noun is problematic? Well, when we start to think of "love" as a noun, "love" becomes reduced to the status of a thing. Drawing on my elementary school education, I know that a noun is a "person, place or thing." So "love" as a noun is a thing. That turns "love" into something like a commodity; it's something that we possess and we treat it as such. When "love" is a commodity it becomes something that we hold onto; something that we offer only sparingly. I read once of a love letter that a young man had sent to his girlfriend. It read: "Darling, I'd climb the highest mountain; sail the wildest ocean; cross the hottest desert just to see you. P.S. - I'll be over Saturday night if it doesn't rain." That's someone who understands "love" as a noun. For all the expressions of "love" in the letter, his "love" for his girlfriend had limits attached. No rain! His love for his girlfriend could only be shown if the conditions were acceptable to him. So "love" as a noun has its limits, and also its restrictions: it becomes something that we offer only to those who we, using our own standards of judgment, decide are worthy of receiving this valuable thing that we possess and control, and the end result is that we usually offer our "love" with strings attached. We "love" in the expectation that we're going to get something in return; usually that we're going to be loved in return by the one to whom we give our "love." That's "love" as a noun.
But is "love" really something to be looked on as little more than a part of a barter system? As a noun, that's essentially what it is; it becomes a commodity to be traded in exchange for something else. We generally offer our "love" to those whom we expect will "love" us in return. In that sense, "love" as a noun is inherently selfish. But "love" as a verb puts a whole new spin on the concept. "Love" as a verb becomes an action – that’s elementary education there again, folks (Miss Hadden did a great job with me in Grade 3!) As an action, "love" is simply naturally offered; it’s something that we freely give with no strings attached. "Love" as a verb is offered without the expectation of anything being received in return. When "love" becomes an action it can be given freely and generously. "Love" as a verb is the opposite of "love" as a noun; it is inherently selfless. It seeks to give and not to receive.
This is the beauty of "love" as a verb. "Love" as a verb changes the whole equation. "Love" becomes not just a commodity we possess and scatter only selectively. As a verb, "love" is no longer something we can control; instead, as a verb "love" becomes something that takes control of us. As a verb, "love" pours forth from us. We display "love" to all, regardless of whether our human notions of morality tell us that the object of our "love" is deserving. "Love" as a verb becomes that which moves us; it becomes the motivating force and power of our lives. This, I would suggest, is the "love" that properly motivates the Christian faith.
This is how Jesus understood "love." Jesus' concern was always for the other. Jesus' "love" was at all times selfless, and, in the end, self-sacrificing. Jesus' "love" went out without hesitation to those whom society had deemed to be unworthy of "love. His "love" knew no bounds. We think of it most powerfully in connection with Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, but Jesus’ entire life was motivated by love, and even though we’re not called to lay down our lives for the faith, the cross remains the motivating symbol of our "love." 1 John 3:16 defines "love" from a Christian perspective as a verb, and it does so in the context of the cross: "this is how we know what love is," John wrote. "Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." The cross is Jesus emptying himself for us and Jesus sacrificing himself for us, and it is the ultimate symbol of Christian "love." In fact, I would go so far as to say that Christian "love" cannot be defined or understood apart from the cross. Christian "love" means the giving of one's self for the sake of the other: fully and willingly, and the truth of our message is shown by how well we put our words about "love" into action. Some only speak of "love" but rarely show it. They are those of 1 John 3:18; those who "love with words or tongue." These are people for whom "love" is a noun. It is a thing to talk about, but not to act upon. These are people who claim to be followers of Christ but who show love sparingly, only to those they deem worthy. They tear others down rather than building them up; they freely criticize but rarely encourage. They speak about love, but they don’t show it too often - but John says that "love" must be shown "with actions and in truth." The very truth of our message is defined by how well we put our words about "love" as a noun into action as "love" as a verb. John Stott wrote that "... the self-sacrifice of Christ is not just a revelation of love to be admired; it is an example [of love] to [be copied.]" And while Christ demonstrates his "love" most fully on the cross, we don't have to go that far – thankfully! Jesus does not ask us to die for him, but to lay down our lives for him, and the two are not the same.
The theologian C.H. Dodd defined "love" as "the willingness to surrender that which has value for our own life, to enrich the life of another." That, I think, is a helpful definition of "love" as a verb. May we put the words of Jesus into action; may we all see "love" as a verb; may "love" be the motivating force in all of our lives.
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